Healing

About a week ago, I was in a Motor Vehicle Accident, or as I have

often charted in patients’ clinical profiles-a MVA. My immediate sense was anger-Damn! I was just going about my business and this vehicle hit me from behind with no warning! I was quite shaken, I got out and meet the other driver, a beautiful young woman who was a nurse, very kind and solicitous. The first thing she asked was, “Are you OK?” And so we exchanged information by taking photos of each other’s phone numbers and license numbers. Two other drivers also pulled aside to help us. In all, everyone was incredibly practical and kind.

                I am writing about this because we have to make sense of our lives and the events that transpire within them. I drove away trying to figure out why I had been hit from behind and what would emerge from the consequences that would follow. The ironic part is that about two months earlier, I had started working in a Pain clinic-yep you guessed it-most of my patients were victims of MVA’s. Here I was, now experiencing what they were all telling me every day of my work life- the confusion, pain, stress of struggling with insurance claims, work lost, wages lost, the inability to do almost anything. I feel almost strangely stoned most of the time, as if my brain has separated into two parts and I am struggling to operate with a kind of bifocal focus in the world. I lay in bed at night and pray that I will heal quickly.

                Immediately, from all fronts, healers rushed in to help me. An acupuncturist I met immediately told me that the sooner I got acupuncture the better. I was skeptical about this therapy because I have a phobia about needles, but in my state of openness and vulnerability, I wanted all the help I could get. I found an acupuncturist in my neighbourhood and received a treatment. While the needles were opening blocks, she demonstrated a technique of counselling which resolved some of my emotional and spiritual issues around the  accident. Long term conflicts within myself suddenly came into resolution.

                When I came home, I wandered around the house trying to figure out what I could do and what I wasn’t capable of. My husband was skeptical of my condition, and joked that I was ‘faking it’. I wasn’t angry at him, because I remembered all the times my patients had said that  no one believed them about their pain, how they had to convince other people, including loved ones and insurance adjustors about the reality of their suffering and confusion. I wasn’t thinking this way for selfish reasons, but later I wondered if by taking this appreciative attitude to my experience, the pain was diminished.  I asked myself, and the wise healer within, many questions about healing chronic pain. Perhaps because of a more open state of my mind through the shock of the impact, I had a vision about how pain changes the cells which it inhibits. I ‘saw’ (in the Carolos Castaneda sense) how the energy patterns of pain cells are different from normal healthy cells. The patterns of healthy cells are like joyfully dancing units of interconnected life. But the cells of painful cells are dark, their patterns are solid and flow of life and light is blocked.

                Naturally, my next question to my inner healers and wisdom teachers was-how can I get rid of the pain in these cells? The answer immediately amused and intrigued me-“Ask the pain to leave.” I laughed at the obviousness of the answer. Then that was followed by “When the purpose of the pain is completed, then it will leave.” I was stunned by the answer. How can pain have a purpose? I had always treated pain as a mis-condition, as an terrible tragic accident, a misnomer or a mistake,  a fault of life and a diversion from the purpose being human. But my vision revealed that all pain has a purpose!

                I immediately wondered if this was a skeptical heartless view of such a difficult part of life? But instead I found that this understanding let me feel the interconnectedness of all experience and beings. Everything else is purposeful and interconnected-why not pain? Or illness or  ‘accidents’ or any other suffering? As my teacher often said, burdens are gifts and gifts are burdens.

                In my vision, my wisdom teachers told me that I should not ‘feel sorry’ for anyone in pain or suffering. We are all, they told me, incredibly strong and full of unimaginable light and power. Then they revealed in some small measure the extent of that living power which is inherently bound up in matter itself. Even one atom possesses almost limitless power, light and the ability to transform. With this they filled me up with a formidable sense of light that almost blew out my very cells. I begged them to back off because I felt my nervous system couldn’t handle the experience and I was being overloaded and frightened. They back offed, but not before I understood fully and intuitively the message they gave me. People experience pain not because they are weak, or flawed but because they are incredibly strong and powerful. They choose the experience at a  soul level, usually unaware to their everyday consciousness, for their own development and for the evolution and furtherance of all being and matter.

                I realise that this attitude could justify some incorrect beliefs about health and wellness-such as “This is your or my  fault” or “This is your karma and you have to deal with it”. Which is exactly the opposite of what  I realised from these insights. On the contrary, no one is to blame! Everything arises in context, there is nowhere to place the hatred implied in ‘blame’. However, whatever happens to us, if we want to get better, we have to take responsibility for the healing process and to go willingly where that path takes us-with faith and love.

                For example, for the first time in my life, I tried acupuncture which I hadn’t seriously considered until now because I didn’t really see the way that energy flows in the body-which is a shameful admittance from a spiritual counsellor! But there-in some dark unrealised corner of my  mind, I harboured a belief that acupuncture couldn’t be helpful for me. Also, I have a phobia about needles. But in the crisis of the MVA and really wanting to heal as soon and as well as possible, I ventured outside my comfort zone. There I was, lying on the acupuncture’s table with little NEEDLES poking out of my body and feeling quite fine with the new therapy.

                Also, I have engaged the services of a massage therapist, chiropractor and soon, a physio- therapist, as well as visiting my family physician. The massage therapist has done a sacral cranial adjustment which was very powerful-another therapy which I had secretly pooh poohed because I didn’t think it could help. WRONG! I went home, had a deep sleep and woke up feeling quiet different-I don’t know exactly yet how, but things are changing in my body.

                I also picked up some books about healing which I would have passed over before as being woo woo and am reading voraciously.

                I am healing.

Try This!

1.       Choose an issue that you are working with in your life right now. Good health is a dynamic and on-going process of recognizing and responding to life’s challenges. It is not a static ideal state which we can reach when we are ‘good’ or…whatever. This issue can be emotional, mental, work related, physical or spiritual.

2.       Before you start to work on this challenge, ask yourself this question:

                Do I really want to solve this problem?

                Do I really want to heal?

3.       This may seem like an obvious question, but it is testing both your awareness of the challenge and also the faith in yourself if you are capable of doing the necessary work. Breathe deep into this question, walk around it, journal about it, test it out. Perhaps ask the opposite question which can be just as interesting

                What is keeping me stuck in this problem?

                What are the blocks to my healing?

4.       Be honest and follow up any little niggling doubts. These have to be faced and resolved before any healing or progression can take place. Some resolution can take still take place without all doubt being resolved, but it is like trying to go forward with the brakes on. You can still move forward but it will be slow and arduous. Be honest about all the perks of being sick-getting attention, time off from work. Insurance benefits, protection from life or from facing other challenges. Be ruthless, this is between you and yourself, no one else has to hear this conversation (except your soul and inner healers who know all this already).

5.       Now for the really difficult part-if you do want to heal and you have the faith in yourself that you are capable of resolving your issues-what are you willing to do to support this process? The healing will take work on your part, and you will have to make your recovery your number one priority. That means family, finances, jobs, other previous commitments, looking after others…all these take second place to your healing until you have achieved a better state of well-being.

                What am I willing to commit to my healing (recovery, resolution)?

6.       Be specific. Are you willing to commit 10 intentional minutes a day? Surprizing, from my own experiences as a counsellor, most people are not. That is why they won’t get better. It all comes down to commitment and intentional use of time and resources.

Write out your commitments in three different categories:

                Physical: E.g.  I commit to going to gentle yoga once a week and swimming once a week.              I commit to visiting my chiropractor once a week until I see improvement in my back              pain and then I will follow her instructions.

                Relationships: E.g. I commit to letting go of my relationships with ‘x’ because they are   not supportive to my healing. I will go out once a week to a recovery group and begin to   make new social circle there.

                Spiritual e.g. I will commit to doing a lighted body scan once a day for no less than 15      minutes.

7.       These may seem simple and most people would think-oh I can do that! But I have seen that few people are willing to really step up to the plate to take responsibility for their healing-even to take 5 minutes a day for themselves. If you don’t meet your goals, then review what is stopping you. A sense of guilt? Lack of resources? That is your next challenge, go back to step one- keep going.

Joy in the journey!