Dance of the Hungry Ghosts

                Hungry Ghosts are usually portrayed in Western counselling as metaphors for addictions. But they are representative of all un-integrated aspects of self. Hungry Ghosts also cause conflicts in relationships-personal, family, community, internationally and environmentally. In this human world fraught with conflict and violence there are so much of this dance of projection -I hardly know where to start. Indeed, realising and practising the basics tenets of World Metaphoric Transformation would bring peace to the world, to our families and communities, and within ourselves-where is all starts!

                All conflicts in relationships arecomplex play of two hungry ghosts dancing with each other. A Hungry Ghost is created when the ego will not allow the conscious self to see the whole truth of experience. This is because to understand the truth of that situation would require  the ego to relinquish too much of its beliefs about the solidity and continuity of self. This is the ego’s job description. It maintains integrity to identity in the same way that our immune systems maintain the integrity of our bodies. The ego identifies invaders( foreign proteins), mobilizes forces to combat the invaders (releases cortisol, white blood cells, viral analogues of the invading virus etc.) and carries out campaigns to protect itself(immunological attacks which immobilise and engulf  the foreign protein ).

                This is the ego’s purpose- to maintain a sense of solidity, security, and reliability of identity-at any cost, even till death it will fight change and transformation. Even if the identity it is protecting is unhealthy, addicted, in conflict, imbalanced or destructive. Because the ego is loyal- and continuity is less frightening than change. Disease is less frightening than health because disease is familiar.

                Of course, a healthy ego is essential to self- without a healthy strong ego, personality disorders develop which cripple the health of the being in the same way that an improvised immune system can also allow disease to enter the body. We can continue the analogy because nature is self-similar , an over active immune system brings autoimmune diseases. So we need a balanced ego, one that protects us from outside harmful influences, but which is flexible and open enough to change when soul determines that change is necessary.

                The only long lasting way to resolve conflict is for each person to withdraw from the intensity of their own anger and from the unsettling effects of their ‘primitive’ brain’, i.e. those ancient aspects of ourselves who are still living in caves and protecting our new species from harsh conditions-saber tooth tigers, giant bears, ice age climate and other primitive humans. Then with a counsellor, and with courage and compassion and a vision of the whole- each person can integrate their own hungry ghosts. With this wisdom, we can easily understand that to go into conflict with violence is pointless-we are cutting down our own projections which will arise again in another form unless we consciously attempt to take the opportunity which soul is offering and step into becoming a greater person. Truly, to cut down our enemy is to cut ourselves down-a truth which teachers for millennia have been attempting to show us. The conflict has been called to us for a reason-the honourable and spiritually mature way to deal with it is to resolve the conflict within ourselves first. Not that forcible actions may not be necessary-they may be, but after applying wisdom and compassion to the situation, then true peace can be achieved, not just a temporary truce between hungry ghosts.

                The first two tents of World Metaphoric Transformation can be applied to conflicts in relationships also:

The conflict is not about the conflict.

The conflict is about YOU.  

                Both people (communities, families, countries, ideological fellowships) project their hungry ghosts out on to The Other. The Other is all that the immature being has not faced, accepted about themselves, some memory or trauma that was split off in the past because its wisdom was overwhelming for the being at the time. The Other is a person with a complementary Hungry Ghost. This is the requirement for all conflicts.

                Usually,  the two people (families, communities, countries, religions)  have searched high and low to find someone who can dovetail their particular neurosis with each other so the dance of transformation can begin in earnest.

                If you look carefully in the picture above, you can see how these Tibetan hungry ghosts have a third eye which is their innate wisdom nature. They are also holding religious objects which indicate that their struggle is sacred. This represents the soul meaning of all conflict-it is an opportunity to integrate split off aspects of ourselves, it is an opportunity to become more whole, powerful, and free. We can’t integrate other people’s hungry ghosts, but by withdrawing from the conflict in this thoughtful way, the conflict will instantaneously change for the better. When the hungry ghost is heard, has been fed and integrated back into the self- the reasons for the conflict will disappear-inwardly and outwardly. The vicious cycle of revenge, violence and hatred is stopped. This is true victory.

Then right action with compassion and vision of the whole will emerge.

Try This! (if you dare!)  Dance of the Hungry Ghosts

1.            Take one conflict you are in right now. Take the first ones that come to mind. E.g. That person really treated me badly. I keep thinking about how he hurt me, betrayed me, how unfair it all was.

2.            Now write out the story as you usually think about it in your mind. Be specific. E.g. He  shouldn’t have taken that away from me, I trusted him, gave myself to him in so many ways, but he went ahead and just did what was best for him, without thinking at all about me.

3.            Put your writing aside for a while. Then read the story though as if you are a stranger. Underline words that jump out at you, words that seem to have more power than other words. Read the story like an editor trying to distill it into a few words, the most important ones. E.g. I see that betrayal comes up as the most common word and theme here. That word seems to have the most power for me.

4.            Breathe deep and prepare yourself because now comes the real soul work.  Ask yourself, where else does this theme come up? E.g. Where else in my life do I feel betrayed? Where else have I betrayed myself?

5.            Now follow back to the home place of this theme. It lives in you, not anyone else. Remember the conflict is never about the conflict. The conflict is always about YOU. E.g. This conflict isn’t about ------. What if it’s about me? Where did I betray myself? Not willfully, not out of self destructive intent. But perhaps from fear, ignorance or past experience and conditioning. Yes, I see now that I betrayed my own sense and institution that ___--wasn’t right for me, but I ignored my own wisdom because I didn’t trust myself, I betrayed my own intuition and then he betrayed me. And somehow he also had a hungry ghost that danced with my hungry ghost-perhaps a narrative from his father about how women set traps for men and men must set themselves free from situations of having responsibilities.

6.            This step takes enormous courage and faith but the rewards are freedom and joy-for all concerned. E.g. I have to forgive and release him from my anger. In this way, I forgive myself and release anger from my own body where it is only causing harm and damage. If I have the chance, I will tell him that I forgive and release him also. In this way, perhaps he can also heal himself from his own hungry ghosts.