My therapist isn’t
perfect
Mark, (pseudonym) sits across from me in sharply pressed
blue shirt, black striped pants, and a beautifully knotted tie, well turned out are the words that go thru
my mind.
“All my previous
therapists had their own personal issues and I couldn’t work with them. Men,
women, young, old…I’ve tried so many different kinds of counselling. And I read
a lot of psychology.” He smiles and settles back into his chair as if to
invite me to show him wrong.
I shuddered inwardly; this was going to be difficult.
I listened for a few moments to his litany of unsuccessful
therapist encounters, a subtle showing off of all the terms he had learned from
the internet. Then I ask him to pause, something I frequently have to do to silence
the ‘explanation compulsion’, that stuckeness in the cognitive mind while the
ego tries to fix things.
“Do you want to try something
different?”
He hesitates, obviously put off that I have interpreted him,
then nods although he clearly wasn’t sure this was what he was expecting.
I stand up and take a mirror off the wall. When I glance
back at Mark, he looks like he had seen a ghost, perhaps he has, a hungry
ghost.
“I don’t know if I’m
ready for this.” Loosens his ties, sits up straighter.
I put the mirror, a big one with a metal sculpture around it
on a chair in front of him and sit back in silence.
“Who is sitting in the
chair now?” I ask him when he has collected himself again.
“I don’t know”.
“OK, let’s put ‘I don’t
know’ in the chair.”
This is an interesting strategy, one that you can try at
home, see “Thy this!”
below. A good therapist, including the plant medicines, will be a clear mirror
for you. There is a false perception that a good therapist knows better than you
do, is further along the path than you. Sometimes this is true, but the best
use of therapy is as a mirror in which you can recognize your own Soul.
Recently I witnessed a young therapist in session with a
difficult client. She was working hard. Beware of that-if you are a therapist,
or if you are the helper, notice if you are working harder than the client. If
you are, then it’s time to step back and reassess the situation. Probably the
client she was working with had narcissistic tendencies, and the two of them
were in a tangle. The more she tried to solve the problem for him, the more he
gave her the ‘Yes, buts…”.
The conversation went like this-
Therapist. “You could…”
Client. “Yes, but
I’ve tried that and…” Or-
Therapist. “OK. How
about this…”
Client “Yes, but
I’m afraid of…” Or-
Therapist. “I understand, I’m wondering if you could…”
Client “Yes, but I
can’t do that because…”
Or variations on that theme. A beautiful dance for two,
which entrenches the client even further, and temporarily lets them believe
that their assumptions about their own helplessness are correct and there is no
way out of the emotional and spiritual trap they have created. The therapist is
left with a sour feeling that despite all their hard work and effort, they were
unsuccessful.
That is when bringing out the mirror is useful. And that is
the beauty of plant medicines, there is no chance for resistance or denial. You
can’t argue with a mushroom or vine or yellowish powder. What you experience is
what you experience. The journeyer will have the opportunity to deny or resist
what they learned while under the influence later, that is always possible and
that is why integration is so important. Integration is catching what the
journeyer saw in the mirror of Soul and translating it into terms that the
cognitive mind can understand and work with. If the journeyer sees a mighty
spider that tells her to dance more, then the integration is –how do you dance more in your life?
Bringing what is glimpsed in the mirror and putting it into every day terms is
the goal of good integration of any counselling insights.
Not all learnings during therapy or journeys have to have
actionable. The integration may be a new way of washing dishes or walking to
the store, or realising that we are an inextricable part of the Great Net and
everything we do or say or think is significant. That may be enough. A body
sense of rightness of being, clarity and inner peace.
Soul catching is another technique for seeing a reflection
of Soul. By looking out into the great context of the environment, the
environment becomes a clear mirror, better most times than another person or a
theory or the internet. Soul Catching is the technique I teach through my book “Soul Catching, Finding sacred connections in
every day environments” (Star, 2015)
The internet is the worst mirror of all for Soul. It is
constructed for the purpose of illusion and keeps people addicted to the
human-only world, with its attendant hungry ghosts, immature frivolities, or my
beloved describes, a narrative written by a nineteen year old for a fourteen year
old. Ha!
Keep in mind, the purpose of any therapy is not be lectured
at by a superior person who has their sh*t together more than you. The purpose
of good therapy is to be a clear mirror in which you can recognize your own
Soul. That is all there is, there is nowhere,
where you are not.
Try this!
1.
Pick an issue that you are currently struggling
with- it can be something personal, relational, or spiritual. I feel like I’ve lost my life’s direction.
2.
Find a mirror and sit in front of it. Look long,
hard and deep. Don’t flinch or look away for too long. You can take short breaks
to rest your eyes.
3.
Ask the reflection about the chosen topic. Wait.
Notice the environment. Notice if there are messages from the environment. While I was taking a break from looking in
the mirror, I gazed outside and noticed some honey bees flying between the
flowers on my balcony. Message: Keep working hard on your projects. Be a bee.
Don’t worry about the future too much; just do the work before you today.
4.
Keep talking to your reflection. Use a following
back technique (See previous postings) “I
hate looking at myself in a mirror. I wonder why? Well, when I look into this
mirror right now I notice how wrinkled my face is. So I’m wondering why that
feels uncomfortable. Why is that uncomfortable? Well, because women are
supposed to be beautiful, perfect, sexy, young and unwrinkled. Who says that?”
5.
Keep going with the questions until the bread
crumb trail leads to the home place of your concern. “I don’t have to look like what the Dark Machine says I have to look
like to be accepted. I can like myself, even with my wrinkles and older skin,
its ok, it’s me.”
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